What is a narcissist? And who or what are flying monkeys?

In this podcast, we explore the definition of a narcissist and the concept of “flying monkeys.” Understanding these terms is crucial for recognising narcissistic abuse and its impacts.

The Misuse of the Term ‘Narcissist’ The term “narcissist” has become a buzzword, often used incorrectly to describe anyone who behaves selfishly. This misuse undermines the experiences of true victims of narcissistic abuse, making it harder for them to be taken seriously. Victims, after thorough research, correctly identify their abusers as narcissists, only to be dismissed by others who don’t fully understand the term.

Defining a Narcissist A narcissist is someone with an inflated sense of self-importance, an excessive need for attention and admiration, and a lack of empathy for others. They are often manipulative, exploitative, and have a grandiose view of themselves. Narcissists learn to mimic empathy (cognitive empathy) to fit into society and manipulate others, but they do not genuinely care about others’ feelings.

The Nine Traits of Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) Narcissistic Personality Disorder is defined by nine traits, including a sense of entitlement, superiority, exploitative behaviour, and a need for constant admiration. To be diagnosed with NPD, an individual must exhibit at least five of these traits. However, most narcissists are never diagnosed because they do not believe anything is wrong with them.

The Prevalence of Narcissism The official statistics on NPD are likely inaccurate because narcissists rarely seek diagnosis. It is more common for those around the narcissist to seek therapy due to the negative impacts of the narcissist’s behaviour.

Trusting Your Instincts Victims of narcissistic abuse are often gaslighted into doubting their reality. It is important for victims to trust their instincts and recognise the signs of abuse, even without a formal diagnosis. Narcissists rarely believe they need help, so it is up to the victims to identify and label the abusive behaviour.

The Role of Flying Monkeys Flying monkeys are individuals who the narcissist manipulates to do their bidding. These individuals may be friends, family members, or colleagues who unknowingly or knowingly assist the narcissist in their schemes. The term “flying monkey” originates from The Wizard of Oz, where the Wicked Witch uses her monkeys to carry out her evil plans.

Conclusion Understanding what a narcissist is and the role of flying monkeys is essential for recognising and dealing with narcissistic abuse. Victims must trust their instincts and seek support from those who understand their experiences.

If you or someone you know is experiencing narcissistic abuse, they really need to seek professional help. Please contact Nova for more information.