10 signs of emotional abuse in Relationships

1. Constant Criticism

Let’s start with criticism—but not just any kind of criticism. There’s a significant difference between constructive feedback and the constant barrage of negative, undermining comments that you might receive from a narcissist or emotional abuser.

In healthy relationships, feedback or critique is offered because it is intended to help, not hurt. You might hear comments on something minor, like how you’ve dressed or prepared a meal, but these observations are delivered without judgment. In contrast, when you are with a narcissist, this type of feedback turns harmful.

Instead of constructive criticism aimed at helping you grow, they tear you down. This criticism is relentless and aimed at making you feel less confident and competent. You may begin to feel that nothing you do is good enough. Narcissists criticize everything: how you speak, how you look, how you handle work, or even how you interact with others. Over time, this consistent undermining of your self-esteem can leave you feeling defeated and unworthy.

The goal is to keep you dependent on their approval while denying you that approval. This pattern leads to a toxic cycle of emotional abuse that can be hard to escape.

2. Fear of Sharing Successes

One of the lesser-known signs of emotional abuse is when you become afraid to share your personal successes with your partner. In a healthy relationship, you naturally want to share your joy with your loved one. Whether it’s a promotion at work or a personal achievement, you expect your partner to celebrate these moments with you. They should be your biggest cheerleader, right?

However, with a narcissist, sharing your successes can provoke anger or jealousy. Instead of celebrating your accomplishments, they may belittle them or dismiss them entirely. For instance, you might tell them about a well-deserved promotion, only to receive a response like, “Are you sure you can handle that?” This reaction can leave you feeling deflated and questioning your success.

Over time, you might start withholding your good news, opting to keep your happiness to yourself to avoid their negative reactions or silent treatment. In emotionally abusive relationships, your happiness threatens the narcissist because it takes the spotlight away from them. You soon learn that it’s better to keep your success to yourself rather than deal with their jealousy.

3. Alienation from Friends and Family

Another clear sign of emotional abuse is when your partner tries to isolate you from your support network. Narcissists often view your friends as a threat to their control. They may criticize your friends’ jobs, appearances, or intelligence, making derogatory remarks like, “Why do you hang out with them? They’re beneath us.”

The underlying intent is isolation. They want to distance you from those who might see through their manipulations or support you in leaving the relationship. Over time, you may find yourself avoiding your friends or family simply because it’s not worth the conflict that arises every time you spend time with them.

This tactic extends to family as well. The narcissist may make negative remarks about your family members, calling them controlling or intrusive. Their goal is to isolate you further, ensuring that the only voice in your life is theirs. When they succeed, you become even more reliant on them for emotional validation, despite the fact that they’re actively destroying your self-worth.

4. Fear of Expressing Feelings

In healthy relationships, open communication about feelings is essential. You should feel comfortable discussing your thoughts, emotions, and concerns with your partner. However, in an emotionally abusive relationship, you may find yourself afraid to bring up even the simplest of feelings.

Let’s say your partner consistently comes home late. When you want to express that it bothers you, you may be met with anger, defensiveness, or even silent treatment. This fear of expressing feelings is a key indicator of emotional abuse. Over time, you learn to suppress your emotions because every time you try to communicate, it leads to conflict or accusations.

You’re left feeling unheard and dismissed. This leads to a cycle of emotional turmoil, where you feel increasingly trapped and uncertain about your worth.

5. Public Humiliation

Narcissists love to exert control by humiliating their partners publicly. This can manifest in social settings where they take every opportunity to embarrass you in front of others. For instance, they might comment on your appearance or criticize minor mistakes.

Such public humiliation can make you feel small, embarrassed, and helpless. These tactics contribute to your overall feelings of shame and inadequacy, reinforcing the narcissist’s control over you. This emotional abuse tactic is not just about belittling you; it’s a way for them to assert dominance over you and showcase their power to others.

6. Isolation: A Narcissist’s Ultimate Tool of Control

Isolation is one of the most covert yet devastating tools in a narcissist’s arsenal. Some narcissists may overtly isolate you—like moving you across the country—while others use more subtle methods. They may condition you to believe that anything that brings you joy is selfish.

Imagine being guilt-tripped for participating in a hobby or spending time with friends. Over time, you might feel that giving up those activities is easier than dealing with the conflict they provoke. The narcissist’s goal is to keep you dependent on them and to remove any source of emotional support outside of the relationship.

7. Gaslighting: Warping Your Reality

Gaslighting is one of the most insidious forms of emotional abuse that narcissists use. This manipulative tactic distorts your reality, making you doubt your thoughts, memories, and perceptions. The narcissist will often deny things they’ve said or done, or accuse you of being “too sensitive” when you react to their abusive behaviour.

Gaslighting isn’t just a one-time occurrence—it’s systematic psychological manipulation that can leave you questioning your sanity. Over time, these small distortions accumulate, making you doubt your memory and sense of reality. The narcissist aims to create confusion and self-doubt, leaving you increasingly dependent on them for validation.

8. Blame Shifting and the Narcissistic Smear Campaign

A classic strategy in the narcissist’s playbook is blame shifting. When things go wrong in the relationship, the narcissist will never take responsibility. Instead, everything becomes your fault. This becomes particularly damaging in the context of a narcissistic smear campaign, where they seek to ruin your reputation by portraying you as the villain.

They may say things like, “Look what you made me do,” or “If you hadn’t done that, I wouldn’t have reacted this way.” This emotional abuse tactic keeps you trapped in a cycle of self-blame and guilt, making it difficult to see the narcissist for who they truly are.

9. The Cold Apathy of the Narcissist

One of the most heartbreaking aspects of narcissistic emotional abuse is their apathy, especially during significant moments like birthdays or holidays. You might come home expecting to be celebrated, only to find the narcissist indifferent, glued to the TV. This lack of emotional connection is not accidental; it serves to reinforce the message that your feelings don’t matter.

Even when they do give gifts, they’re often thoughtless or intentionally hurtful. The narcissist may turn your special occasions into moments of emotional neglect, further isolating you and eroding your sense of self-worth.

10. The Emotional Toll of Narcissistic Abuse

Narcissistic emotional abuse can leave deep psychological scars that aren’t immediately visible. The cumulative effect of constant criticism, isolation, gaslighting, and emotional neglect can lead to anxiety, depression, and a shattered sense of self. Recognising these signs early is essential for breaking free from the narcissist’s grip.

Emotional abuse doesn’t always leave visible scars, but the damage it causes can be just as profound. It’s essential to trust your instincts and seek the support you need to heal.

Emotional abuse is a subtle yet devastating form of manipulation that can leave you feeling trapped and powerless. Recognizing the signs—such as constant criticism, fear of sharing successes, alienation from friends and family, and gaslighting—can empower you to reclaim your autonomy. Remember that healing is possible, and seeking help is a crucial step towards a healthier, more fulfilling life.

If you or someone you know is experiencing emotional abuse, reach out to trusted friends, family, or a mental health professional for support. You don’t have to navigate this journey alone.